Two are better than one ...

I have this handful of friends from back in the day.  Okay, they are from waaaay back in the day.  Girls that go back to my high school, even grade school, days.  They know most everything about me.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  They have all the dirt on me.  Not that it's any big secret or that anyone really cares, but I would bet big bucks that if they were asked to spill the beans about all of my ugly past doings they would choose to walk the other way.  They would take the high road.  That's just the kind of women they are.   I know, I'm pretty lucky to have friends like them.

This past year I've come to know a few of Evan's friends a little better.  They are people that have been around him but I didn't really know them until recently.  I'm learning he has friends like my old girlfriends.  People that love him just for who he is.  No expectations.  No standards to reach.  Nothing in return.  They just want to hang out with him.  So awesome!

These are the kind of friends I want to surround my boy.  I want him to have friends that aren't speaking badly of him behind his back.  (Because we all know that kind of thing gets around eventually.)    He needs friends that aren't 'talking out of both sides of their mouth'.  I want him to have solid friends that aren't acting one way with him but then we find they are a complete different person elsewhere.  The Bible also says in James 3:10 "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.  My brothers and sisters, this should not be."  I've been guilty of just this.  But I want to aim be the kind of person like these friends of my son and my old girlfriends.  Not only do they speak well of others but others have only kind things to say of them.  They are a joy to be around.  My son and others can't wait to see them again.  (Proverbs 22:24-25)  My son can't wait to get to school lately.  That's how much some of these people bring him joy.  He usually hates school.  Now that's the kind of joy I need to be aiming for!  It hurts to find out your your friendship has all along been based on being someone's charity.  I never want my boy to experience this falseness.  It is such a comfort to know these genuine hearts are surrounding my son.

It's exciting to see the people God is placing around my son without any of my doing.  As a mother I work so hard to make things 'right' for my children.  And yet, there are so many circumstances that I have no control over.  I recently read in A Praying Life, by Paul E Miller, that some of the best parenting we can do is in prayer.  It is an amazing sight to see our prayers come to life in our children's lives when God starts to do his thing.  I am so thankful for these young people that are allowing God to doing great things in their lives and seeing my son be a part of that also.

Bible Verse I'm Loving Today:
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor: 
If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

A Closer Walk With Thee ...

"My own personal Hell."  "I wouldn't wish this on anyone."  "You have no idea what I'm living." 

"I'M DONE!"

How many times lately have I heard someone else say these things?  I've said at the very least every day "I'm done!", if not something similar to the others.  It seems like a lot of people lately are going through things that they wouldn't wish on their own worst enemy.

I don't like strife.  I don't like living it.  I don't like being involved in it and I don't want any part of it.  I will run from it at the first warning sign.  I want the good life.  Easy Street.  Fame and fortune.  I would bet most of us prefer things this way. 

Too bad that usually isn't what brings us closer to Christ.

If given the choice I would be alternating swimming laps in the pool on a warm, sunny day with reading a good book while frying my fragile skin in the sun's rays.  All.  By.  My.  Self.  

Thanking God for my incredible husband and family didn't make that list.  Tending to my family's needs didn't make that list.  Asking the Holy Spirit to be involved in my family's day didn't make that list.  Crying out to Jesus didn't make that list.  Even thanking God for my comfort and joy didn't make that list.  Prayer of any kind whatsoever didn't make that list.  

So is it any wonder that God keeps me close to him through trials?  I know I can be pretty adept at creating my own imperfect circumstances.  But I also believe sometimes God allows things to happen in our lives to better us or bring us closer to him.  No, they aren't our definition of "the good life".  They are difficult.  They are the hard stuff in life.  They mess up everything about our routine, our work, our families.  But they bring us closer to Christ.

This can be a bitter pill to swallow.  Going through trials are never easy.  And it can be even worse sitting by while a loved one goes through a painful trial without any way to make it easier for them.  Understanding that whole "my ways are not your ways" can be truly difficult.  But for lack of a better word, I have this "peace" that there are bigger things going on than my trials.  

So I'm learning to get more comfortable with the tough stuff.  That doesn't mean I like it.  That doesn't mean I don't react irrationally first.  But I'm learning to roll with it.  I'm learning to look for what God has planned in it.  When the unexpected shows up.  When I just don't see any change.  How is he drawing me closer to him?  How quickly can I get back to where I feel his comfort?

It's just a closer walk with Thee ...

Bible Verse I'm Loving Today:
2 Chronicles 6:19

"Yet, Lord my God, give attention to your servant's prayer and his plea for mercy.  

Hear the cry and the prayer that your servant is praying in your presence."

The Gift of Receiving ...

I am fairly terrible at receiving most gifts.   I just don't how to say thank you graciously.  Receiving compliments is the same way.  Whatever it is in my psyche, go on, analyze, no matter how sincere,my response comes out stuttering and BLAAAAH.  And the bigger the gift the worse it gets.  If I'm given a significant gift that I could never equally return, AAAHHH!  How does one say thank you to something like that?!  I can hear myself before it even comes out of my mouth.  I know it's going to come off like I don't really care.  But that's not it at all!!  I just don't know how to thank someone for giving so unselfishly of themselves. I so badly want to return their generosity in some way.  I am a terrible gift giver anyway.  I want to be a good gift giver.  I spend hours scouring stores and websites trying to find the perfect something to no avail.  So how do I repay someone for giving me an awesome gift when I am so lame at it?  But what if there isn't any way?  What if I could never repay the gift?  Then what?  How do I rest in just accepting a gift without feeling like I MUST repay this?

Everyone has a different version of what they could or couldn't repay.  Often I don't want to tell others about a gift I received because I can never tell how it will be understood.  Some may be jealous of the gift and I immediately feel this overwhelming guilt that I was lucky enough to have received it.  Another may have the good fortune to have bought themselves three of what I was given.  They will never understand the gratitude I feel and how humbling it is to be in the position of never being able to repay someone else.  So once again, I keep my mouth shut.  I can't tell anyone about the giver's generosity.

Evan is so great at receiving gifts.  He makes everyone feel great about the gifts they give.

 As soon as he even hears about a gift coming his way he can hardly contain his excitement.  It's all he can talk about.  Gifts are what motivate bribe him.  No matter how big or small he loves every one of them.  It is the first thing he talks about when he gets out of bed. The first thing he asks about when I pick him up after school.  The first thing he tells EVERYONE about friend or stranger.  If you gave him a gift he will thank you for that gift FOREVER.  Every time we see you he will thank you for that gift FOREVER.  He will hug you, thank you, tell everyone about that gift.  He has absolutely no problem receiving gifts.

As Christians, we are told to be generous when someone is in need & to 'rejoice with those who rejoice'.  There are so many verses in the Bible about giving to others.  But there just aren't as many on HOW ON EARTH DO I PAY THEM BACK?!!! (Except not repaying with evil, but that's not what I had in mind, of course. I was thinking more like a nice spaghetti dinner.  Which maybe would be evil considering my cooking skills.)

It's the Christmas season that reminds me of the only gift that none of us could ever be jealous of or buy three of for ourselves.  I suppose that's one reason why God chose to give it to us the in way he did.  I especially want to tell others about this gift the way Evan tells others about his.  I want to wake in the morning speaking of this gift.  This gift should be what I am telling all of my friends or strangers about.  I will be forever thankful for this gift.  It is the gift we can only receive and none of us could ever repay.  

The gift of Jesus. 

Bible Verse I'm Loving Today:
Luke 2:10-11 

"But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid.  I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you.  

He is the Messiah, the Lord."

I'm Thankful For ... Jerry Seinfeld!

Yep, you read it right.  This Thanksgiving I was a little thankful for Jerry Seinfeld.  And not because I love a good Seinfeld show.  Which I do.  Recently Jerry has taken some heat because he said he thought he was 'on the spectrum' during an interview with Brian Williams of NBC NightlyNews.   Meaning, the Autism Spectrum.  Then because of that heat he retracted what he said and then said he wasn't actually medically diagnosed as having Autism. He said he meant he thought he understood what it was like to be on the upper end of the Autism Spectrum.  He gets it.  And honestly, I'm thankful for someone who says, "I get it."  There aren't many people who get my boy.

Recently, my husband and I both separately complimented a young woman because she "gets" Evan.  She didn't feel the need to ask 500 questions about why Evan is the way he is.  She didn't act scared of his different behavior.  She didn't have a problem just glancing to one of us when she didn't understand something he said.  Every moment wasn't a teaching moment or therapy of some kind.  She had fun with playful teasing just like she would any other of the kids that were there.  She let Evan be who Evan was meant to be.  And it is obvious Evan responds to this woman and the way she treats him.  He seeks her out.  He wants to spend time with her.  She makes no demands of him to be something he isn't.  She loves him for who he is.  And because of this, he wants to be around her.  Don't we all want this?

Times like that are rare for us.  Those people are rare. 

So if Jerry Seinfeld says he relates to Autism.  More power to him.  I do keep in mind he is a celebrity.  So unless he comes over for dinner I may never know his true reason for saying what he said.  (I hope he doesn't come over for dinner.  I think his wife is a way better cook than I am.  I know, most people cook better than I do.)  I'm thankful Jerry says he understands the way those that act a little different are behaving.  

I'm even more thankful for those people in my life that love my Evan and love my family for who we are ~ the quirks, super loud 'WooHoo's', occasional hair pulling and not so nice screaming.  All of it.  Those people that make no demands.  Those that love us for who we are.  I'm thankful for you.

Bible Verse I'm Loving Today:
1 Corinthians 13:5

"It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, 

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

Speaking Truth in Love ...

Many eons ago, when Evan was about 9 months old, we had a doctor evaluate his vision.  He was a specialist.  He walked into the hospital room, did a quick evaluation on my son and announced to me and my husband, "He is blind.  Call my office and make an appointment."  And proceeded to walk out.  This kind of story isn't rare in the special needs community.  I think it's because our kids see so many doctors it's inevitable that we will run into some that haven't cultivated their people skills or bedside manor.  He was speaking the truth.  He just wasn't speaking the truth in love.

I am all for speaking the truth.  I went through a time in my life when I was lied to often by someone I loved and trusted.  There is nothing like being on the receiving end of a lie, especially from a trusted source.  It will change everything you believe about that person from that point on.  I wonder if even the most skilled liar realizes that their dishonesty is usually somewhat obvious to someone who has been lied to continually in the past?  Gaining that trust back is a long road.  That is if the trust is ever gained back.  So I would always rather hear the truth even if it is painful.  

But there is a way to speak truth without hurting someone.  Speaking truth in love ~  Bob Goff just put something out on Twitter that said, "Love is kind.  Treat each other like we're going to be spending eternity together."  I love following Bob on Twitter.  He reminds me in a fun way that one of the most important things Jesus said to us is to love.  Love the Lord & love our neighbor.  So when I am speaking to others my words should be expressing just that ... love.  Even my painful truth should be first expressing ... love.

Every so often I find myself wanting to give someone a piece of my truth in love.  But if there is one thing a special needs parent receives plenty of it's unsolicited advice.  So I am learning to keep my mouth shut during the times that God may not be giving me the opportunity to share my truth in love.  Because my truth may be all about me speaking and not so much about the other person hearing that truth.  

I'm learning just how much words matter.  God will give me the opportunity to speak truth if he so chooses.  And if he does, I need to remember to speak that truth in love. 

Bible Verse I'm Loving Today: 
Proverbs 18:21

21Words kill, words give life;

they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.

And on side note: You know that Evan is obviously NOT BLIND!  We did see a reputable doctor that first time.  And after that visit we received a second opinion from another reputable doctor.  (With better people skills.)  That doctor saw the same issues.  Seventeen years later Evan just picked at a single hair growing off of my husbands forehead. (We all have that one dang hair, don't lie!  Except me. I pluck that sucker before it ever sees the light of day.)  But he had no problem seeing that one hair. And while he does have some vision issues, heck, so do I! No comment from the husband, please.

Pray big prayers.  Pray bold prayers.  God thinks so much bigger than we do. 

My Favorite Book ...

Annie Downs has been doing this great series about her 31 favorite books for every young woman.  She's continuing the 31 days by asking others to link up with their favorite books for young women.  So I figured I would chime in on this because being a mom of only boys this of course makes me an expert on girls.  Whaaat?  Yes, when there are only boys in the house, the main subject is often ... GIRLS.

My favorite book is no secret to those that know me.  And I would recommend it not only to young women, but everyone.  It is Unbroken, by Laura Hillenbrand.  It's the story of a man, Louis Zamperini, that not only survived World War II, but survived horrific treatment as a prisoner of war.  This book told me things about WWII that I wish I had known when my grandfather was talking about his experiences.  It should be used as a text book in schools. I learned more about that war from this book than I ever learned in history class.  But not only did it tell of his war experience but of the post traumatic stress he endured after returning home.  The PTSD caused him and his family problems that they could not overcome … Until one night when he met Christ through Billy Graham.  By putting his faith in Jesus he was brought out of his PTSD and his family was transformed.  And now how many others have been transformed by his opening up and letting us into his life?  Angelina Jolie was at least so moved by it she's making a movie from this book.  I wonder what it told her about Christ?

The young women that I have known through my boys are smart, courageous, and adventuresome.  And they always loved a challenging read.  I think this requires a girl that is up to that kind of book.  But it also gives a lesson in our country's history that I never received from textbooks.  It is a real life story of what went on in our country.  It puts faces and names to those things we learn in school.  And it puts Christ in the bigger picture that our public schools just aren't able to show us.  

But what I love is how Louis continued to tell others of the transforming power of Christ.  How it was Christ that changed his addictions, his wounds of war and how through Christ it was the only way he was able to forgive the wrongs that were done to him.  These are such great life lessons for all of us, not just young women.

My favorite book for young women is Unbroken, by Laura Hillenbrand.

Who I Could Have Been ...

Maybe you've seen them.  The blogs that are making the rounds that a few special needs parents have written about who their children might have been had they been born without their disability.  It's a raw and honest look at their hearts that I can appreciate.  However, it isn't one I personally dwell on much at all.  I tend to look more at who I could have been had my Evan been born differently ...

Without Evan's daily needs I would have been bored.  And we all know where boredom leads.  You know the saying, "Idle hands are the Devil's playground."  When Evan is around there is no being lazy.  He keeps us on our toes.  (Or in the ER.)  Without him constantly asking me to get up off the couch I might just be sitting there, eating sleeves of the newest Oreo flavor (Is it white fudge-covered season yet?!) with my nose pressed into a book or watching reruns of Sherlock over and over.

Evan keeps me constantly learning.  One of my favorite things is learning about science and medicine without actually going to med school, of course.  (See previous paragraph about the couch & Oreos.)  If I didn't have Evan's constantly changing medical history I would possibly be craving this knowledge elsewhere.  I'm thankful one of my interests is fed right here at home.  And my love for learning is put to use immediately.  

I've mentioned before that Evan keeps me humble by calling me a punk multiple times each day.  But I am truly humbled daily by the fact that I cannot raise this boy alone.  I need my husband.  So often we are prone to seeing only the weaknesses in others.  Evan's needs give me the benefit of seeing my husband's strengths on a daily basis.  Sure, this can be maddening for an independent girl such as myself!  Needing someone else to live life is, without a doubt, humbling.  So for this independent girl, I can't help but wonder if without disability would I see my need so plainly?

I don't dwell on who Evan might have been without his disabilities because on this side of seeing Jesus again, I don't believe there is such a person.  I believe that this is exactly how my God intended Evan to be.  Psalm 139:13 says, "... you knit me together in my mother's womb ... I am fearfully and wonderfully made."  I believe this is true for you and for me.  So why would it be any different for Evan others with disabilities?  

So many times we think God isn't doing anything in the lives of our children with disabilities because we aren't seeing the changes in them.  But maybe God is working in not only our children, but those around them also to bring Him glory?  So I am so thankful for how God knit Evan together.  When I look at who I could have been without his disabilities I don't particularly like that me.   I can't wait to see who we all become when God is finished working on us. 

Bible Verse I'm Loving Today:
Psalm 139:13-16

13For you created my inmost being; 

you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 

14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 

your works are wonderful, 

I know that full well. 

15My frame was not hidden from you 

when I was made in the secret place, 

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 

16Your eyes saw my unformed body; 

all the days ordained for me were written in your book 

before one of them came to be.